Love, honour and cherish. The three words we utter during a marriage ceremony and often the first three things to go in a relationship. Perhaps when those words are uttered during a marriage ceremony the couple should receive an instruction guide that clearly explains what love, honour and cherish mean and how to commit to this everyday.
Cherishing what we have is one of five winning strategies described by Terry Real in his book "The New Rules of Marriage". The dictionary defines cherish as "protect and care for (someone) lovingly", "hold (something) dear", "keep a hope or ambition in someone's mind".
In other words cherishing our partner and what we have is an active endeavor. One that we need to prioritize in order to have a conscious relationship based on full-respect living. It means having a marriage ceremony every day that we are in relationship.
Of course my way of being cherished is not necessarily my partner's way of being cherished. Which means we need to be identify by asking and observing our partner how they wish to be cherished. Similarly we need to communicate what makes us feel cherished.
I googled the top ten ways to cherish your partner and this is what I found:
1.Be sensitive to his/her needs. Know what they are and if you're not completely sure ask what they are and never ever think we've finished learning about our partner. Their needs may change from day to day.
2. Let our actions as well as our words show her/him that they are loved, respected and cared for. Saying I love you isn't enough - find out how he/she likes love to be expressed and do whatever you to express love to him/her each day.
3. Pay attention when the other is talking. No distractions. Eye contact is affirming and shows loving respect and consideration. Let's have technology free time every day in order to make real time for real connection.
4. Be careful and considerate in our language. Learn to give and receive feedback in a way that empowers your partner and your relationship. Use Terry Real's feedback wheel and/or Marshall Rosenberg's "non-violent communication"
5. Acknowledge each other's feelings and the "stories" we tell ourselves without having to defend. Be there, listen and only provide advice if asked.
6. Accept your partner's limitations without comparing them to others and making them feel ashamed for where they may fall short. You might need to do a "relationship reckoning" which means: do the things my spouse provide me outweigh the things they don't? If the answer is no - then you might need to walk away. If the answer is yes - then you will likely need to grieve what you are missing and do so in a way that does not involve shaming our partner.
7. Be faithful and loyal. Decide that you won't violate your partners trust in any way even if tempted. If you fall out of love and wish to be in another relationship - avoid hurting the other by ending your relationship before embarking on another one. Unless of course you and your partner have agreed otherwise to have an open or polyamourous relationship.
8. Spend quality time together talking, laughing, playing and having fun. Make pleasure and connection and playfulness a daily commitment. Remember wherever your time and attention is - that is also where your heart is. If you say you love your partner and that he/she is the most important person in your life after yourself then prove it. Actions speak louder than words. Stop working until you drop, or prioritizing time with others at the expense of quality time with your spouse.
9. Become good lovers for one another. Learn what the other wants, needs, enjoys. Bring playfulness into your sex life. Sex becomes boring when it is goal oriented (ie intercourse followed by organism followed by sleep). Remember that porn is fiction, and if you want to view porn that may be less fiction - think of attending the feminist porn awards hosted by Good For Her in Toronto.
10. Be your partner's biggest fan. Support him/her in their work and in their relationship with others. Be with them in public.
11. Sorry I couldn't stop at 10. BE A PARTNER. Pretend you own a business together and consult with each other about decisions, plans, finances, social outings, vacations. Do not commit you or your partner to something without discussing it with them. Your priority is your partner and empowering your relationship.
12. One more I promise. Don't let anyone or anything come between you.
Here are some more suggestions: https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/1989/08/twelve-ways-to-cherish-your-wife
Cherishing what we have is one of five winning strategies described by Terry Real in his book "The New Rules of Marriage". The dictionary defines cherish as "protect and care for (someone) lovingly", "hold (something) dear", "keep a hope or ambition in someone's mind".
In other words cherishing our partner and what we have is an active endeavor. One that we need to prioritize in order to have a conscious relationship based on full-respect living. It means having a marriage ceremony every day that we are in relationship.
Of course my way of being cherished is not necessarily my partner's way of being cherished. Which means we need to be identify by asking and observing our partner how they wish to be cherished. Similarly we need to communicate what makes us feel cherished.
I googled the top ten ways to cherish your partner and this is what I found:
1.Be sensitive to his/her needs. Know what they are and if you're not completely sure ask what they are and never ever think we've finished learning about our partner. Their needs may change from day to day.
2. Let our actions as well as our words show her/him that they are loved, respected and cared for. Saying I love you isn't enough - find out how he/she likes love to be expressed and do whatever you to express love to him/her each day.
3. Pay attention when the other is talking. No distractions. Eye contact is affirming and shows loving respect and consideration. Let's have technology free time every day in order to make real time for real connection.
4. Be careful and considerate in our language. Learn to give and receive feedback in a way that empowers your partner and your relationship. Use Terry Real's feedback wheel and/or Marshall Rosenberg's "non-violent communication"
5. Acknowledge each other's feelings and the "stories" we tell ourselves without having to defend. Be there, listen and only provide advice if asked.
6. Accept your partner's limitations without comparing them to others and making them feel ashamed for where they may fall short. You might need to do a "relationship reckoning" which means: do the things my spouse provide me outweigh the things they don't? If the answer is no - then you might need to walk away. If the answer is yes - then you will likely need to grieve what you are missing and do so in a way that does not involve shaming our partner.
7. Be faithful and loyal. Decide that you won't violate your partners trust in any way even if tempted. If you fall out of love and wish to be in another relationship - avoid hurting the other by ending your relationship before embarking on another one. Unless of course you and your partner have agreed otherwise to have an open or polyamourous relationship.
8. Spend quality time together talking, laughing, playing and having fun. Make pleasure and connection and playfulness a daily commitment. Remember wherever your time and attention is - that is also where your heart is. If you say you love your partner and that he/she is the most important person in your life after yourself then prove it. Actions speak louder than words. Stop working until you drop, or prioritizing time with others at the expense of quality time with your spouse.
9. Become good lovers for one another. Learn what the other wants, needs, enjoys. Bring playfulness into your sex life. Sex becomes boring when it is goal oriented (ie intercourse followed by organism followed by sleep). Remember that porn is fiction, and if you want to view porn that may be less fiction - think of attending the feminist porn awards hosted by Good For Her in Toronto.
10. Be your partner's biggest fan. Support him/her in their work and in their relationship with others. Be with them in public.
11. Sorry I couldn't stop at 10. BE A PARTNER. Pretend you own a business together and consult with each other about decisions, plans, finances, social outings, vacations. Do not commit you or your partner to something without discussing it with them. Your priority is your partner and empowering your relationship.
12. One more I promise. Don't let anyone or anything come between you.
Here are some more suggestions: https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/1989/08/twelve-ways-to-cherish-your-wife
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