COPING when life becomes challenging
At some point in our lives we will all experience various levels of pain due to loss, upset, sadness, aging, disappointment, illness, and impermanence. During those times we may receive advice that is well meaning but not so helpful. Sometimes the eleven great coping skills you will find below, can seem overwhelming and impossible. Please know that you are not a failure if you do not or cannot do any of the things on the list below. During those time try the list on the right in the image above. Here is a video by Craig Ferguson I would like you to watch (it's about addiction but it's also about compassion for ourselves and others): www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZVWIELHQQY&t=9s
Below you will find my top 11 list of tried and true coping strategies. They have worked and continue to work for me and for countless others before me. The trick is to give each one a good try (2-3 weeks) and be kind to yourself if you fall behind. On those days go back to the list on the right in the image above. Compassion and kindness toward ourselves is essential in the healing process. The last thing any of us need is for us to begin beating ourselves up because we aren't healing fast enough or doing all the things on the list below. Be kind and start again when you feel up to it.
Please go to "My Favourite Things" page for some terrific podcast ideas that are funny and compassionate and may allow you to feel more connected to the world in a very real way www.giseleharrison.com/my-favourite-things.html
Below you will find my top 11 list of tried and true coping strategies. They have worked and continue to work for me and for countless others before me. The trick is to give each one a good try (2-3 weeks) and be kind to yourself if you fall behind. On those days go back to the list on the right in the image above. Compassion and kindness toward ourselves is essential in the healing process. The last thing any of us need is for us to begin beating ourselves up because we aren't healing fast enough or doing all the things on the list below. Be kind and start again when you feel up to it.
Please go to "My Favourite Things" page for some terrific podcast ideas that are funny and compassionate and may allow you to feel more connected to the world in a very real way www.giseleharrison.com/my-favourite-things.html
The Morning Pages
I came across this exercise in 2001 during 5 days of solitude hiking and sketching along the Bruce Trail. The exercise is from Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way. The morning pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, or as one of my clients called it "Mind Diarrhea". You'll need three lined pages and a pen. For a short video tutorial go to juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/
Fall Madly Deeply in Love with Yourself
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Falling in love with ourselves means cultivating friendship, compassion, kindness, joy and equanimity. The Buddha called these the Brahma Viharas - or the Four Abodes. If we make self-love our relationship goal - we will need to embrace the idea of dedicating time, energy, curiosity, attention and forgiveness inward - the way we would with any other significant relationship.
I teach an 8-week class on this topic but if you're not interested in group programs or you just want to get a head start, I would like to recommend that you: listen to www.sharonsalzberg.com/metta-hour-podcast/ and/or soundcloud.com/michaelstoneteaching; read books on loving-kindness; practice loving-kindness meditation; read the short but super powerful "Illustrated Workbook For Freedom From Your Inner Critic - A Self Therapy Approach; Pray and go to church and possibly read/meditate with some of the psalms. |
Breathe
To steady the breath and the mind try square breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and repeat 10 times.
Steadying the breath can help improve concentration and deepen relaxation. For a comprehensive study of breath work, look up "Pranayama" which is the art of breath control or read The Breathing Book by Donna Farhi. You may also go to SoundsTrue to browse the resources they have on breath work.
Steadying the breath can help improve concentration and deepen relaxation. For a comprehensive study of breath work, look up "Pranayama" which is the art of breath control or read The Breathing Book by Donna Farhi. You may also go to SoundsTrue to browse the resources they have on breath work.
Mindful Meditation
Mindfulness Meditation is a practice that is over 5000 years old. The purpose of mindfulness meditation is to learn to steady the mind (which is NOT clearing the mind - it is NEVER about clearing the mind) from the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and the world around us. The stories are often distorted interpretations of how we see things. Distortions can include thoughts like: I am worthless, stupid, ugly, or I am more worthy than others. Sometimes the distortions can lead to a racing mind that can spin us into a full-blown panic attack, thoughts of suicide or a belief that we are more entitled than others. God to "My Favourite Things" pages for meditation podcasts I recommend. I guide a weekly meditation on Tuesdays from 1-1:30pm ($5/drop-in) and a monthly class on a Monday night from 8:30 to 9:30pm at www.breathepilatesandfitness.com/ For a guide to meditation please read the following: www.lionsroar.com/how-to-do-mindfulness-meditation/
Yoga
The purpose of yoga postures is to provide people with a physical practice to cultivate inner and outer stability, balance, strength, resiliency, and ease. Practicing yoga enables us to explore the mind while caring for the body. Yoga allows us to feel connected to our inner wisdom, and to the world around us. There are many studios in Windsor & Essex County, please contact me or join Windsor Yoga Lovers on Facebook to find a studio near you.
Emotional Freedom Technique
Based on the ancient principles of acupuncture, EFT is a simple tapping procedure that gently realigns the body's energy system, without the discomfort of needles. Unlike other energy methods, EFT incorporates an emotional element to the healing process, addressing unresolved emotional issues as a likely cause of physical disease and psychological dysfuntion.
I have completed three levels of training with EFT practitioners and have been successfully using this approach in my own life and with clients for over 10 years. I would be happy to teach you how to use EFT for anxiety, depression, pain, self-esteem, and post-trauma symptoms. For for more information please go to: www.emofree.com/
I have completed three levels of training with EFT practitioners and have been successfully using this approach in my own life and with clients for over 10 years. I would be happy to teach you how to use EFT for anxiety, depression, pain, self-esteem, and post-trauma symptoms. For for more information please go to: www.emofree.com/
Laugh
Remember how Uncle Albert, Bert, Mary Poppins and the Banks children levitated uncontrollably toward the ceiling when they started laughing? Well it appears laughter may just be the best medicine. Laughing, watching funny movies, reading funny books was how Norman Cousins, author of Anatomy of an Illness (1979), made himself well again after being told he did not have long to live. Cousin died over ten years after that diagnosis and in his book he reported that he "made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give him at least two hours of pain-free sleep". You tube video of Norman Cousins www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNCOQXWBb1U and if you want to reminisce here's "I love to Laugh" from the film Mary Poppins www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOMqqI-kzHY
Call a Friend or a Crisis Line
Author and lecturer Marianne Williamson once said "hell is being awake at 4am and not having anyone to talk to". Sometimes a counselling appointment is just not possible. If you choose to reach out to a friend or family member make sure you choose someone who is a good listener, will be empathetic, confidential, and compassionate. If you are in crisis you should go to emergency, preferably Hotel Dieu Grace Hospital so that you can access the services of the Community Crisis Centre. If you need to speak with someone over the phone you can call: Community Crisis Centre 519-973-4435 or the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre 519-253-9667
Go for a Walk, Run, Bike Ride or Some other Form of Exercise
You can research walking and depression and see for yourself that many studies have found that walking for 5 to 30 minutes several times/week can be as effective as anti-depressants. There are some lovely places to walk in Essex County: the Ganatchio, Willistead Park, Point Pelee, Ojibwe, the Riverfront, and even the alleys of South Walkerville that are this city's best kept secret. Don't let the weather deter you. We find lots of negative ways to sabotage our self-care plans. Bundle up if it's cold, bring an umbrella if it's raining, or go to a mall and walk indoors. Remember to be kind to yourself. Set realistic goals that can be altered when needed.
Draw/Colour/Paint/Knit
The image to the left a Mandala and it is meant to be downloaded and coloured. When colouring a mandala it is recommended that you begin on the outside edges and work your way toward the centre. You can purchase mandala colouring books, download free colouring mandalas from the internet and/or you can create your own Mandala for colouring. Knitting drawing, painting (if done in moderation and not as a form of distraction from the present) are wonderful ways to calm the mind and feel competent.
Study, Pray, Read
I have found wisdom and peace in studying the bible, the Koran, the World's Religions, the Yoga Sutras, the Bhagavad Gita and other Vedic, Yoga & Buddhist philosophy. Most of them deal with self-esteem, confidence and the way our minds can work to trick us into seeing ourselves and the world around us in the most negative way.
Learning to pray and ask for the qualities I need to live a more peaceful life and manage difficult moments has been liberating. I have found that releasing my worries to God and to the universe allows me to live my life more fully and more free from attachments (obsessive thoughts) and aversions. When I am connected to and practicing my spirituality I am more able to live moment to moment whether my experience is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.
Learning to pray and ask for the qualities I need to live a more peaceful life and manage difficult moments has been liberating. I have found that releasing my worries to God and to the universe allows me to live my life more fully and more free from attachments (obsessive thoughts) and aversions. When I am connected to and practicing my spirituality I am more able to live moment to moment whether my experience is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.